I've got bpd. and bipolar 1, and ptsd, and body dysmorphic disorder. on lithium, but i'm a mess. paranoid, i need help. sexual abuse from 5-11 yrs ?

Therapy ; meds: Sounds like you need therapy with someone who works with bpd ; also someone following your meds with your background you likely have trust ; control issues. ; expect negative outcomes--need to try to keep these from getting in the way of your treatment helps to have friends and or family you trust who can give you ferdback.

PTSD: It is hard to reveal sexual abuse to your Dr. for help with PTSD & BPD - consult with a Clinical Psychologist for psychotherapy to help you with ZOOM sessions, a Psychiatrist for medication & a PCP for a physical exam to rule out illness. Your fears and anxiety could be heightened because of the Covid-19 pandemic. Stay safe, cautious & hold on to hopefulness to elevate your immune system.