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A 22-year-old member asked:

My husband and i have been married for 1 yr, we have a 4 month old. we fight & hes not the father i thought he would be. do we need counseling?

3 doctor answers12 doctors weighed in
Dr. Michael Opsahl
Fertility Medicine 44 years experience
Need Counseling?: A new marriage and a new baby are a potent combination of stressful issues in any marriage. I am not a psychologist but i would suggest getting help anytime you cannot resolve difference alone. Your marriage and family are precious commodities and worth help from family, friends, minister, or mental health professional. Give each other a break, you may be dealing with stress more than anything.
Dr. Michael Opsahl
Fertility Medicine 44 years experience
Provided original answer
You are welcome and best wishes on a happy resolution.
Feb 13, 2012
Dr. K. Olson
Dr. K. Olsonanswered
Psychiatry 40 years experience
Not a birthright: Much of parenting is learned - and not necessarily from childhood. There are many good books and parent effectiveness training classes can help. Nobody says we somehow magically know how to parent. This should not be misconstrued as a character defect but simply an opportunity or challenge to learn.
Dr. Hallie Robbins
Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation 32 years experience
Yes: Parenting and marriage can be a strain together and seprately, especially when a baby comes along so soon. Work on communication skills, be patient and understanding, and seek counseling -- especially as you ask if you should! books and workshops by the gottman institute are very helpful ways to learn positive approaches to keeping relationships healthy. Good luck.
Dr. Martin Raff
Dr. Martin Raff commented
Infectious Disease 57 years experience
Outstanding response. Premarital and preparental expectations in the absence of experience is often detrimental to relationships since the perceived "realities" tend to differ with their prior exposures. It often takes a therapist to alter thinking patterns since in these situations many people are not capable of "hearing" what their partner is actually saying.
Mar 18, 2012

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