My daughter(3) will have violent outbursts almost like meltdowns. we don't spank. she also will not listen and not concentrate on anything. adhd?

Underlying problem?: The autistic spectrum should be excluded. Speech development may be slow, or initially normal but then regress. Does she have any self-stimulation behaviors like moving fingers in front of the face or hand-flapping? Put books or blocks on the floor in a line? Avoid eye contact? Understand what pointing means? Very limited diet, only one food at a time? social interaction? More clumsy than usual?

May be normal: This may be evidence of an emotional issue or just a difficulty transitioning into childhood. A 3 yo reflects back to their first year where you were primarily her slave,responding to any want/cry/fuss. If she is developing speech and language normally, many parents assume they will begin to accept limits & behave, but that's not always the case.Find a child behavior specialist for help/coping