Hi, i think i might be depressed and i feel as if i want the severity of my depression to be a lot worse. what is wrong with me?

WANT it to be worse?: Did I understand you correctly that you want your depression to be worse? This is not a healthy sign. I want you to see someone as soon as you can to discuss your feelings.

AngerFrustrationTurn: within (when we do not recognize solutions available)=depression. A typical component=feelings of deserving/need-for self-punishment for not being/performing better➔drives more depression. Humans are commonly quite good at being judge & jury convicting self as easier route than confronting the real issues/life-experiences, many hidden within & from very early life. Find help worthy of your trust.

DEPRESSION: Get an evaluation from a psychiatrist to help identify what depression means to you and whatever else may be bothering you. Consider recommendations for medication if any are given. Get a referral for a reputable psychotherapist to speak with. Meds and therapy combined are most optimal; no just one or the other.

GIve therapya chance: This situation clearly calls for you to see a therapist. Therapy perhaps combined with medication will probably be very helpful. Certainly if you are feeling suicidal you should talk to someone immediately and if you think you may be in danger of hurting yourself call 911 and get immediate help.