I've been on multiple anti depressants, yet all of them make me want to kill myself all the more so i stopped. what else could i try?

Alternatives: First. Make sure you have a competent psychiatrist or psychologist conduct a thorough, comprehensive assessment to arrive at a valid diagnosis. Second. Depending on the diagnosis and other factors, psychotherapy alone might be a great treatment option (this would avoid medications altogether). Third. Non-serotonergic antidepressants or so-called mood stabilizers are sometimes better tolerated.

Herb: 20's females who experience abreactions with antidepressants might consider cannabis, which has happiness-causing effects and reverses non-restorative sleep, which can be the etiology of depression. This medication should be used under the direction of a medicinal cannabis consultant. Cannabis is contraindicated in bi-polar and psychotic disorders.

Avoid anti-depressan: A common risk of this entire class of medications is suicide (and/or homicide), and agree, you are better not taking these. I would urge trying cognitive-behavioral therapy, which should be available where you live or in Denver. Medications can be problematic in many, but not the only solutions.