I'm sixty nine year old female with incisional hernia, not painful. surgeon says not an emergency. because of recurrence factor want to avoid surgery?

Careful observation: continue to follow up with your surgeon- I concur with avoiding surgery unless necessary.

Complex issue: In general, recurrent incisional hernias are difficult to repair (may be why there is a recurrence). Best to see a general or plastic surgeon with experience, expertise and interest in repair of complex incisional hernias. Options are observation, open/lap repair, or use if muscle flaps and/or a variety of mesh. Check Americas Hernia Society website to find a surgeon interested in hernia.

Asymptomatic?: IF it is not painful and not increasing in size it can probably be safely watched. There are some hernias that are in danger of strangulating ( ask your surgeon) and these should be preemptively fixed. otherwise, if stable and asymptomatic can be safely watched indefinitely