Why can't i be happy? i've suffered from clinical depression i'm bipolar. i want to be happy but it seems there's always something in the way, why?

Neural activity: The depression you experience is not the result of your environment or experiences, it is from neural (brain) activity that programs for depression. That's why medications, exercise and certain forms of counseling and other treatments are effective to relieve symptoms. Please see a counselor and doctor to get treated. Most people do very well if they get treatment.

Therapy/self-care: Try to establish routines, sleep hygiene, small achievable goals, look for positive aspects of the environment: do a summary at the end of the day -- best thing that happened, the things i laughed at, etc. To bring you a sense of joy -- these things will help build up confidence and sense of achievements.Talk to your providers about your feelings. Good luck!

Depression: Get an evaluation from a psychiatrist to help identify what depression/bipolar means to you and whatever else may be bothering you. Consider recommendations for medication if any are given. Get a referral for a reputable psychotherapist to speak with. Meds and therapy combined are most optimal; no just one or the other.