5yo has a retracted ear drum and is in so much pain, so dr and no infection. does it really cause so much pain and how can i help soothe her?

Pain relief: Would start with ibuprofen at an appropriate dose and then a nasal steroid spray use as nasocort 2 sprays am and pm for 3-4 days then just in am at same dose also would see ENT asap for further evaluation

Yes: Any stretch of the eardrum, whether in as a retracted drum or out as one pushed out by pus will cause pain. A quick relief would involve opening the ear drum so the pressure could equalize, but that would require anesthesia and risk. The pressure should equalize over time anyway. Ibuprofen and a heating pad at low heat to the side of the head may help him be comfortable.