I don't want to go to er for suicidal thoughts/ideation/urges because i am really frightened of hospitals, psych wards and health professionals?

Understandable: There is a part of you that wants help because you have written in for it. I believe that at some level of consciousness that you want encouragement to get help. If you were happy and excited to go to a psychiatric ward i would be surprised. I can understand why you feel anxious but it is important to put this into perspective. Getting professional help is the priority right now. Take care.