What interpret feelings of depression and joy at the same time and sense of loss of control and attempted suicide?

Painful: Above all this sounds painful, and is something a psychiatrist could help you with. Bipolar disorder in a "mixed" episode could match this description . . . . Or use of certain substances as well. Please get yourself in to see a psychiatrist asap since you say you've attempted suicide! you can be seen in an emergency room if you still feel that way.

Can hv mixed feeling: It's possible you have a form of affective illness but the fact you are unable to control your suicidal impulses means you need to see a psychiatrist right awayyou could go to the er and have them line u up with a psychiatrist.