The man i love and want to spend the rest of my life with sends me into depression with his selfish attitude. is there a way to help myself without having to leave him?

Probably not: A wise man once said "if you are waiting for a woman (or man) to change their attitude, you may be waiting a long time". You can talk to him and see if you can change it, but most people have very clear cut attitudes, and are unlikely to change dramatically.

See a therapist: It would be very important for you to work with a therapist directly about this. You seem to recognize how your partner's behavior affects you -- have you discussed this with him? Could he hear you, and has this resulted in any change? You may become a lot healthier as a result of psychotherapy, and care better for yourself. Such changes inspire some -- not all -- partners to want to grow also.

SEND HIM TO THERAPY: Psychotherapy may be the answer.

Your health is first: I agree with dr. Pappas. Therapy appears to be a good idea for you now. The best way to help yourself in the long run might be to leave him. It appears that you're reluctant to do so despite the fact that you do not approve of his behavior toward you. This suggests a problem in your thinking about yourself, about him, and about the way good relationships work. It helps to admire your husband.