My life is crashing. every second i feel like committing suicide. how can i get help?

Don't do it: You can find something better than death anywhere, as the old story says. You yourself recognize these thoughts as not really yours and not appropriate. Your brain is playing a trick on you. Pick up the phone and call your physician and/or an emergency help line now. You'd be amazed how these folks can sort out life situations for you without finding fault with you. Best wishes.