My main depression and stress has come from wanting to abuse drugs but forcing myself not to hurts and when i stumble i feel worse, what could i have?

You have a need for: Support in fighting a substance abuse disorder - staying sober/straight. Many have a hard time fighting addiction - many even must try a few different approaches. That's ok - it is hard - but it is a very good idea. As you move through adulthood toward middle age it will make a big difference in all areas of your life. You'll deserve and (hopefully) get admiration if you succeed - problems if not.

Bipolar disorder: Consider the posibility if having bipolar disorder. Substance abuse is very common in patients with bpd. Good news is that we have interventions which are quite effective. See an addiction specialist for help. Best of luck to you.