Why do i want to give in and stop fighting and let the depression and suicidal thoughts win?

From someone who is not only engaged in the art and science of Medicine, but also someone who values life, I wouldn’t want you to give up. Please, be strong. If you have to take some medication, so be it. You don’t want to give in. You are still a young woman. Be blessed.

As Dr. Berman indicated, life is indeed worth fighting for, and you can feel better and succeed. Among the many beneficial interventions are anti-depressant medications, and cognitive-behavioral therapy, but aerobic exercise, meditation, acupuncture, and biofeedback, are additional worthy tools to employ. See an experienced psychiatrist and get stabilized.