I have been having disturbing thoughts, and they are getting more urgent/ distressing. i have been to the psych er/ admitted many times and in multiple hospitals and have never gotten better. any advice?

In between your ER visits you need a primary care and a psychiatrist team that can evaluate your needs and adjust meds or refer you to ER if needed. That will give you the best chance of having your condition controlled and avoiding unnecessary inpatient stays.

It is not feasible to provide an opinion without additional history, physical examination may be some tests. It would be prudent to see your doctor to see if you may be depressed. Depression is treatable. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, exercise may help. Start with low intensity exercise such as walking and gradually increase the intensity as tolerated. Drink more water. Wish you good health!