With hpv that is defined as ascus cannot rule out high grade, how should you navigate sex in a monogamous relationship? since a male partner cannot test for it, should condoms be used in order to prevent back and forth infection?

HPV acts different than many infections. Once you have a strain, it will clear the primary infection in ~ 2 yrs but can remain hibernating in your system forever. If your partner was exposed during the active years he likely has it. It does not pass back & forth like a strep infection. Once you get it , it triggers an immune response that suppresses activity. You can get other strains.