Why does adhd make me so stubborn, why do i get so angry when people don't put things when i tell them, why did it happen to me, my mum smoked pregnan?

We have choices: Some of our reactions to things are from our genetics, temperament, parents, etc. We have no control over those. But a lot of how we feel has to do with the stories we tell ourselves about what is going on (judgments, expectations & beliefs we hold) which we can change. A way to start is outlined in the book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Therapy focused in this direction can help too.