My boy friend is depressed and can't sleep if we don't talk and is super stressed how can i help him when i'm not with him?

Codepency n control: Leanring about codepency n control might be a start when one is in a relationship where one is torn, has fears, and might even feel controlled by someone's illness. Codependent no more is a title of a popular book. Generally a good strategy is to make contact/help etc. Dependent upon the person getting professional help. Depression is treatable but not through controlling loved ones.

Counseling: I recommend that you and your boyfriend both get counseling: - him, if he truly "can't sleep" if you two don't talk; - you, for dealing with what may be manipulation that you "gotta talk to him" "so he can sleep." what you can do now: have an honest conversation with him. Note that you can't be responsible for his adequate sleep, and that if he has a problem he needs to go get help for it.

Decisions: I would certainly try to coax him into seeing a therapist. If he won't go, go yourself because you need to develop a skill set to understand and deal with him. You also need to do some sole searching. If you want your life to be this way forever, allow him to control you this way. If he won't get help and you find that idea worrisome, get out before you ruin your life.