I m miserable have depression anxiety.major losses life changes past 5 yrs. i can't quit self sabatoging everything.cant get happy.dont know what i wan?

Take a deep breath: It sounds like u are experiencing some major issues and are looking for help. It is important to sort through things with a trusted person or professional. Rather than accusing yourself of self-sabotage, think about issues individually and what u did that didn't help achieve your goal. If this has been going on for weeks and /or u are thinking of hurting yourself, get professional help. Breathe.