Right after he wasdiag with major depression, my hsuddently stated i had borderline pd, refused to have it checked out , refused mc, but became 100 % detached from me, acting as if i am not safe.

I don't understand: I'm not sure what your husband refused to have "checked out", or what "mc" stands for? Have the 2 of you been having difficulties before this? Major depression needs treatment; if he & you also have questions about your behavior and/or attitudes, perhaps you might seek psychiatric evaluation too. It's not uncommon for 2 troubled people to end up together, and help is available for both.

Couples counseling: It sounds like a very stressful time in your relationship. Seeking support from a couples' therapist might help the two of you at this time in your lives. Marriage can be very challenging. Understanding each other's points of view and working on our own vulnerabilities can be of enormous help. Hope this answer helps.