I really want to be dead sometimes but no courage?

No courage: Life is precious to give it up!, i understand that sometimes the difficulities one may have in life can push us to do the unthinkable thing, but no matter how discourage one may feel, there is always someone else who wish to be or have what you have, when these thoughts come up again, look for someone to talk to, a good counselor may help, if you are a church going person, a pastor may help.

Hope: Please seek professional help. Something is clearly wrong if you have a strong desire to be dead. It is clear that you are suffering. There is hope but you need help to begin the healing process. If you have a plan & a strong urge please seek evaluation at the nearest emergency room. Otherwise recommend that you begin with a doctoral level clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist. Take care.