I'm not epileptic. but i feel like i want to have a seizure but ones not happening. and instead it causing anxiety. why won't i have one?

Bizarre question: This is a truly bizarre question. I can't imagine what you could possibly mean by saying you "want" to have a seizure. Perhaps you don't understand what a seizure is. I'm guessing you have severe anxiety and have somehow gotten the mistaken (very mistaken) notion that a seizure would relieve it. See a psychologist or psychiatrist to get proper treatment (including psychotherapy) for your anxiety.