How can i deal with the feelings of shame and feeling suicidal?

Shame: I hope you have someone to talk to a minister a therapist , a doctor you're close to. I see shame as a feeling of disconnectedness. It comes from loss and conversely it comes from not achieving connectedness. It's a process of accepting what happened and your present state. Please try and speak with someone.

Shame: Shame is just about the darkest emotion people can face. It presupposes that there's an audience to our alleged wrongdoings, and that devastating judgement will be passed. Something to remember is that everyone has something they feel ashamed about; it's inescapable. Find a reputable psychotherapist to speak with. Getting it off one's chest in a safe, nonjudgmental place is the first step.