When the lymph nodes swell due to initial herpes it says online they are "tender" and swollen. is it possible they could be painless? unsure of status

Not herpes: Lymphadenopathy (lymph node inflammation) due to herpes is always painful and tender. And herpes rarely causes lymphadenopathy by itself; almost always there would be other obvious herpes symptoms like blisters, sores, ulcers, etc. If you think you have lymphadenopathy, see your doctor -- but from what you say, it's unlikely to be herpes.