What is the motivation behind men who 'use women', 'emotionally abuse' them and 'control' them?

Narcissism: What you describe sounds like classic narcissism. Narcissists lack empathy, use people to supply themselves with feelings of importance and control. I've written extensively about this on my blog, http://blog.Theartofchange.Com.

Control: These are insecure men who suffer from inadequacy to great degrees but usually do not acknowledge their low sense of self and rather try to boost their self esteem through dominating and controlling others. Often they have been abused themselves and make very poor partners until they seek therapy for a considerable length of time. Best.