Cleaned cat litter using gloves, was gross. washed hands multiple times, disinfected phone too. why am i still afraid to eat food using my hands? is this normal?

Although it's healthy to be aware of the potential to have contamination of one's hands due to a tear of a glove, etc, the best way to overcome an obsession with cleanliness is to seek information on proper handwashing to disinfect after possible contamination. Fortunately, the task is easy with the availability of GOOGLE to facilitate the acquisition of the answer to such a question.

See previous reply. No not "clean" cat litter; it is impossible to remove most contamination, which soaks into the litter from urine and feces. Litter is intended to be discarded after a certain amount of use; attempting to clean it (even with gloves) is a health risk. Discard as intended and there is no need for hand washing or disinfection of the environment afterward.