I am taking 90 milligrams of cymbals now. my gma and mother died january to march of each other this year. im starting to have very bad depression and scary thought and im lashing out very crazy. im kinda scared of myself?

Presume you mean Cymbalta, a very effective antidepressant, but you likely need more help than from medications. Suggest you see a psychiatrist and perhaps consider cognitive-behavioral therapy. Best to be forthright with your doctors, as you were in your post. You can be helped.

See your doctor ASAP as you need to have your medication reviewed and changed if necessary. Good Luck