I never seem to be truly happy. i'm either emotionless or i feel frustrated/sad/dread wash over me. i'm always tired and get mild panic attacks. help?

Not happy/panic: Professional support is needed. Please see your doc to identify or rule out medical/hormonal issues. Then see a mental health professional who specializes in mood disorders. Congrats on having the courage to ask this question and to think about it at a young age. It can make your future much brighter. Above all, avoid the "blame game" if you are into blaming others.