Harming self but not to suicide. not willing to think in future or fall into relations or get loved. mostly sick, is it depression?

Probably: Please call your local mental health hotline or proceed directly to the ER for psychiatric evaluation. Please call 911 and explain that you have been trying to hurt yourself.

Depression: Self-harm can be dangerous even if you are not feeling suicidal. See your pcp or go to urgent care right away to assess any cutting/other self-inflicted injuries and get referral to a mental health professional for guidance. Don't be embarrassed. Depression is treatable. See: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm I hope this helps.

Get help: To get this answered - it will take exploration. Please consider Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.