I'm currently in therapy&getting better. lately i've been overdosing on dilaudid just to come close to dying&need an idea of how many mg not to exceed?

The Addict Brain: Please, please call your local hospital and find a place to go to be safe. Your brain will tell you that death is an option and perhaps you do not deserve to get any better. At this point you must get safe and then stop the Dilaudid and any other dangerous medications/drugs. I am glad to hear you are in therapy but it sounds like you need to detox and get clean and to start rebuilding your life.

Talk to your doc: Seriously? It would be virtual malpractice for someone to encourage, suggest or enable any abuse of a medication, let alone for the purpose of seeing how close to dying one can come. If one is already seeing care providers this behavior needs to be discussed with them, because obviously current treatment does not seem to be managing self-desructive symptoms at the risk of a fatal event.

Talk to providers!: This is a very bad situation. Uou meed to be very straightforward with your providers. You should not have access to that kind of medication if you are that depressed . . . Or you should be monitored much closer. Call your therapist and tell them what is going on. Make sure they are communication with your medical doctor.