Sex is painful! is it possible that i haven't torn my hymen?

Unlikely: The normal hymen is a circle of elastic tissue around the vagina opening, like a stretchy bracelet. It's not a solid layer of skin except for rare condition of imperforate hymen where there's no opening and no way for menstrual blood to leave the body. If you've had periods, you haven't got an imperforate hymen. Likely there's another reason why sex is painful. Suggest see your MD for evaluation.