Everything i eat (healthy or unhealthy) makes my intestines go bonkers. sounds like i'm about to have diarrhea but i don't. is this bacterial related?

Dysbiosis: I see you have been diagnoses with Chron's disease so we know your intestines are "bonkers". Stick with your gastroenterlogist for specific therapy for your Chron's, but healthy diet, probiotics and exercise can help to keep your symptoms to a minimum. Check out "The Amazing Gut"! at http://thedocstu.blogspot.com/

GI: It seems that you already have GI issues. You may also be developing IBS- call you GI for medication and examination.

Irritable bowel syndrome: The bowel has a very complex nervous system and the controls for it are in the lower brain. The easiest and probably the commonest way in which you can produce this syndrome is by high calorie malnutrition, especially the sweets and sweeteners. You produce a relative deficiency of vitamin B and this makes the lower brain irritable. When you take food into the stomach, it automatically sends a signal to the bowel causing it to function excessively.

Would need more: You list Crohn's, Colon cancer, MRI, colonoscopy. I doubt you've had all of these, but even one of these would influence the answer. Otherwise,general info: Overactive gut would be irritable bowel. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/irritable-bowel-syndrome/basics/definition/CON-20024578 The bowel is overly senstive. food would affect it in less time that it takes to get to bowel.

Intestinal activity: Given your dx of Crohns dz, it seems tenable to ascribe your symptoms to bowel irritability. Irritable bowel syndrome is exactly what you describe. You probably trap air and stool and then your bowel spasms. Uncontrolled Crohns does this. Scar does this. Make your diet optimal. No fat. No sugar. Lots of plant fiber. Small portions. Small meals. No caffeine. Talk to your GI doc too.