Tried accupuncture, massage, talk therapy -several meds, but not getting the results that i desire i am in torture panic mode no way to live like this?

Realistic goals?: I know I can't calm you long-distance - but you might be upsetting yourself even worse if your expectations are not realistic. Try to allow a tiny move in the right direction to at least be that. Then - find another. With how awful you're feeling, it will not become good quickly - but it can be a bit better until it's good. Try to believe this - it is true. After each step you'll be stronger.