I think i have a borderline personality disorder: i self harm, had 2 suicidal attempts. my moods fluctuate, i hate myself, have an avoidant personalit?

Talk with a doctor: You have some serious cincerns and would benefit from mental health counseling. The immediate issues to be addressed are to kerp you safe and then to establish a good trusting relationship with your doctor. You can learn to manage your symptoms and break the self destructive patterns.

Good Tx available: First of all it's best to not self diagnose. See a clinical psychologist and/or psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment. If you do have bpd, there are highly effective treatments. Mindfulness approaches like dbt and energy psychology can be beneficial with the right therapist. Certain medications are also helpful.