Iknow this'll sound crazy. but is there a way to test my husband for herpes without him knowing?he will refuse&lie if i ask him2....

Sorry, no way: This isn't crazy at all. However, it is unethical (and in some situations maybe illegal) to test someone without saying what the test is for. If you have herpes or think you might, you'll need to speak with your husband about it. Find a doctor with expertise in herpes and other STDs, or a clinic like public health or Planned Parenthood. They'll have advice about how to discuss it with him.