I believe i've been depressed since i was abt 12 to some degree or another. i'm now 40. tried various meds, etc.how do i know what normal feels like?

Depression scales: For a non-depressed non-psychiatrist like myself, i'd describe normal as scoring zero on phq-9 (http://www.Integration.Samhsa.Gov/images/res/phq%20-%20questions.Pdf) or similar non-depressed score on any validated depression scale. Another way to think of normal is desire & energy to do what you want & enjoy doing such things. And looking forward to these things - i guess that falls under desire.

Normal vs healthy: What's "normal" for many people may not really be healthy. So, just a few ideas: healthy is when we accept and care for all parts of ourselves. We can love, work, and play with full engagement. We give & receive naturally. When painful things come, we feel our feelings, do what needs doing, and then move on in our lives. We don't get stuck. We're free to be ourselves, & appreciate others too.