Why am i thinking about this now? instead of sooner? is there a psychiatric condition making me do this?

Unclear: When you say "this, " is it some sort of a recurrent thought you have over and over again and that try to avoid thinking about? If so, it could be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. It is a little difficult to know what you mean. Maybe you can seek an evaluation with a board certified psychiatrist who could help sort it out. Good luck.