How long can i keep my demons at bay i can't keep up this struggle everyday ?

Mental illness: Please seek immediate mental health attention, preferably inpatient. It may also be a good idea to contact the local authorities in your area for a 72 hour observation as you may be dangerous to yourself or others.

Need to be seen: You need to contact a mental health clinic, if you are already being followed regularly by Dr,or clinic, you need to give this information to them immediately. Be honest with your providers and give them the option of helping you with this.

Getting help: The only info I have to go on is that you have a personality disorder and that you are in pain. As a psychiatrist who combines behavioral health with acupuncture - I would encourage you to look into both options. Can't make any specific psychiatric recommendations without knowing more. However, if you can find an acupuncturist in your area who practices some of the more traditional treatments -