I think about suicude everyday but don't want to tell anyone or even call a hotline. what should i do?

See a psychologist: You should get evaluated. Schedule an appointment with a psychologist for an evaluation. Therapy and/or medication will help if in fact you are depressed or have chronic feelings of emptiness. Make sure you talk about your symptoms and not a diagnostic label. You may need to see a psychiatrist as well. Look for a clinic with a multi-disciplinary staff.

Thinking vs planning: Neither is fine - but planning is much more of an emergency. Thinking 'only' is still a serious issue - especially everyday. Of course you should find help. You knew that. If you believe you have enough strength to keep you going until you find a therapist you trust - start your search. You can take a session to decide if you trust them enough to speak about your thoughts w/o starting a panic.Best

1-800-273-TALK: I'm so glad you have taken the step to reach out here. I've been in your shoes and personally had depression in the past. I know you feel like nothing is worth the pain you are going through right now. But you can feel better. You have already taken the most important step by reaching out to someone. Please call 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). They are a hotline who can suggest people in YOUR AREA to help!