My 87 year old mom has dementia. they want to put feeding tube in because she is inspirating food. lives in nursing home, doesn't talk. should we?

Would she agreed?: If her condition is such that you can give her good quality of live, then go ahead. If not, i would talk to sibling, family etc to make a decision to maybe not to be too invasive and let her be. It is a hard place to be in but if she would not have want it then many people would not do it.

Only you and your: Family can answer that question. It might be helpful to have a family meeting so that everyone has a chance to express their concerns/ideas.

Agree w/ Dr.Chastine: This is a very difficult decision and made more difficult by misinformation (feeding tubes prevent aspiration) and pressure family may feel from doctors and nurses. Often people who mean well, will try and pursuade you based on their biases and values. Decreased food intake is part of the progression of dementia. The best question is what would your mom have wanted if she knew this would happen?