Why is it so difficult to get information from mammographers/ ref docs about our breast density?

It shouldn't be: If your breast tissue is dense, the mammographer should comment about this on your report. Dense breast tissue is the bane of the mammographer since both dense tissue and breast cancers show up white on a mammogram (it's like looking for a polar bear in a snowstorm). If you are at high risk for breast cancer and have extremely dense breast tissue, an MRI may be a better screening test for you.

There are: several states, including California I believe, that legally mandate that a statement about breast density be included in the report. What dense breasts mean as far as appropriate management and alternative screening methods is currently a hot topic in mammography. The old guidelines may no longer be appropriate, and new guidelines have yet to be fully developed.