How do i deal with the fear, phobia and embarassment of seeing hem blood when i go to the bathroom?

See your doctor: It is unclear if this is related to your hemorrhoids, or if you are bleeding from elsewhere in your colon or GI tract. Your anxiety is definitely affecting you, but you should be sure you get properly evaluated by a doctor. If it is just your hemorrhoids, you should make sure you are on a good bowel regimen and are eating enough fiber.

Treat anxiety: From the tone of your question, you are not so much concerned about your hemorrhoids, as they were removed years ago. You are fearful and phobic about this. In my practice, with my patients, this tends to be common with patients who have various forms of social phobia, and this is readily treated. Please make an appointment with a psychiatrist who can evaluated and treat phobias.