Hospital ruined my life. So angry but don't want to let on till I get my records. What should I do?

Sorry it went badly. Hospitalization can be quite traumatic for some people. Not sure what happened in your case. You have a right to your medical records, and that right is independent of how the care went. Depending on what happened, you may want to talk to another mental health professional or to a lawyer, to sort out what to do next.