Compared to hand washing, is hand sanitizer actually ok? Say after countless diaper changes? Of course not after poop diapers or when I use the b-room

Yes. The data i've seen supports the use of hand sanitizers enough that i now use it almost exclusively in my office for hand prep between patients. Although not effective for some soil removal, viral or bacterial transfer is nearly eliminated if done right (all contact surfaces covered). It does have a long term drying effect, but i find it similar to handwashing in the long run.