Well, you are an extremely bright (genius, top 1%) young female.
Combine that with 'normal' adolescent angst, and u start with a bit nuts. Add 'violent in the past', can't stop lying, tempestuous, can't feel love! what physical or emotional trauma, what beasts are u harboring. Explore it, understand it, get control of it so it doesn't control u. Please get professional help. Learn to feel again.