Is there any actual way to get alcohol out of your system faster than the average oz per hour? Drinking water?

No. Alcohol is metabolized at a constant rate, no matter what you do.
Dialysis. If you have access to a hemodialysis machine and some helpful friends who know how to use it. Beyond this, forget it. We all make mistakes. All young people explore and try doing goofy things -- it's part of growing up. Do not operate a motor vehicle while you're drunk, and make sure you have a sober friend to look out for you. Be safe.