Get over it. Most people who hate dentists have either had a bad dental experience or been raised by parents who had a bad experience! be smart enough to realize good health is related to good oral health! and that involves seeing a dentist regularly. Get a recommendation of a well respected dentist and I am sure a good dental experience will result. I have turned many patients around in my career !
Floss. Brush floss and rinse. Guess who can teach you the best way to do so? A friendly dentist. It will benefit you in the long run. Prevention is the best.
Gentle... Be sure you're not scrubbing- you may be brushing too hard. Flossing may help cut down on your gum irritation. Bleeding from the gums is not normal, so for paranoia's sake you may want to get blood work to be sure your blood counts and clotting are normal. And consider counseling for your dentist aversion! ha... They're pretty nice overall...
Depends. If gums are red & swollen/have pus & teeth are loose, time to face the dentist. Meanwhile, don't brush too hard; use soft bristle brush; floss between teeth daily; rinse with mouthwash (preferably one that kills bacteria) to lower bacterial count in mouth. Rinse mouth thoroughly with water (better with mouthwash) after each meal or snack. If problem persists, see a dentist.
Very little. I don't think you hate dentists, i think you are afraid of dental treatment. Many fearful patients can be helped to accept dentistry without much fear and be treated comfortably. It's taking that first step and finding the right dentist. Unfortunately, your mouth will just continue to get worse and you may well lose teeth over time without professional care. The choice is yours to make.