I can orgasm with masterbation of all forms but never w intercourse. I'm 40 so its not assumed to be an all man issue. Help!?

Mind messing. The fact that everything 'works' suggests the problem is in your mind. Maybe your sex activity is at odds with your faith or upbringing; maybe you aren't fully committed to your partner; maybe you feel guilty... Psychotherapy is the approach for an issue like this, to put words on the feelings that get in your way. There is a conflict inside your mind; therapy can sometimes find it.
Anatomy. Approximately 40% of women can not reach orgasm with vaginal stimulation alone. These woman require clitoral stimulation and it may be that your anatomy does not allow adequate clitoral stimulation with intercourse. A considerate partner can provide both if you guide the partner in what you need.