Red patches on the tip that flare up after sexual intercourse penis becomes numb and swollen. I have used several different creams and always wash regurlary but is still there?

Urgent Care . You need an urgent care evaluation with full history and physical exam, swab, and full sexually transmitted disease testing including HIV, Herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, hepatitis panel.
What may be balanitis caused by a fungal infection is not always straightforward and especially if male male sexual contact or anal sex more protean STDs can be evaluated with a swab of the lesions. Urology fol up.