You are asking now
I am happy to see that you are asking for help now.
Please see a practitioner in a position to help. This could be a psychiatrist, counselor and/or holistic doctor. These practitioners have experience seeing lots of people with your problems & will not judge you so please don't be scared. Not getting the help you need is a scarier prospect!
a good resource: http://www.Abihm.Org/search-doctors.